This blog post has been swimming around my head all week and I finally think I've ready to get it out there! Oh but where to start...?!
Just in case you don't know my background, it is a one of yo-yo dieting, of having a bad relationship with food, seeking comfort in it, thinking that anything that was low fat was good for me, hating my body, feeling magnetically attached to my bathroom scales, the number they revealed dictating my mood for the whole day...I'm sure you get the picture.
So, of course the light bulb went on when I discovered raw food. I knew it would be the answer to my weight loss problems, I felt it would provide me with more energy but I had no idea how dramatically it would change my life.
If you asked me about 9 months ago I would have said 100% raw is the way to go, no question, it would suit anyone and fix any health going. In fact if you look back I may have even said those things. A friend of mine refers to this as the 'raw honeymoon phase'. You are on a high, you feel great, you have to get the message out there. But, in my experience this feeling doesn't remain constant. I certainly still love my raw food lifestyle, I still feel great, I still have good energy, I feel I look healthy and I am very comfortable with my weight and body image. So what has changed then? I no longer feel that 100% raw is the right answer for everyone. I am happy to admit that I am not 100% raw, if I had to give it a % it would probably be 90%, still good right? You betcha it is...Let's get some perspective here shall we?
I used to stand at my fridge with the door open, eating slice after slice of processed nasty ham. I would also eat lots of bread, cream cheese and ham sandwiches. I ate a fair bit of pasta, tinned tuna, tinned sweetcorn, loads of frozen ready meals (low fat of course!). So do I feel that my 90% raw diet is good, of course it is.
Why am I not 100% raw? Because it doesn't suit my mentality or my lifestyle, simple as. Let's look why...
Mentality- I've come from a diet background, a background of looking at the fat content of everything I picked up when out food shopping, a background of weighing myself twice a day, a background of counting calories/sins/points/carbs (depending on what particular diet I was following at the time), a background of food restrictions, a background of deprivation which always leads to a binge when no-one is looking and a background of food being both my enemy and my best friend.
Recently, I have felt a little deprived and restricted with my food choices. This has brought back horrible memories of all that dieting so something had to give. And allowing myself that little bit of cooked food has made all the difference. People often say to me, "Are you allowed to eat ......" Fill in the blank. I reply that I am allowed to eat anything, I make the rules, I choose to not eat meat, fish, eggs, pasta etc. I have to see it as a choice, otherwise due to my history, I will rebel against it. Therefore, for me, 100% is too restrictive and hems me into a confined space that I just want to break free from...
When I was at Raw Spirit Festival last year, I went to the speed dating event they put on. One guy asked me if I was raw? Yeah... But, was I 100% raw? No, I couldn't say I was. He looked at me like I was shit on his shoe!! Sorry for swearing but I want to get across how annoyed this made me feel. How incredibly shallow of him...
I've since dropped my desire for a raw boyfriend! What someone eats is no longer the be all and end all to me. My boyfriend Alan, eats a SAD diet, I won't change that. I have no desire to. He gives me more love than any man ever has done. He looks at me in a way that no-one has ever looked at me before. These are the important things surely...? What it does mean is that there is a level of closeness that we may never be able to achieve, because I know what's it's like to be raw and he doesn't. But this is no different from my Mum being a devout Christian and my Dad being a devout sports fan!
For me, being 100% didn't give me a healthy state of mind. Ok, it made my mental clarity go through the roof, but I honestly don't think I was happy and relaxed. If I lived in a raw food community then it would be a different story. But I get invited out to eat, I have an active social life and I am not surrounded with juice bars and raw food cafes to hang out in. This brings me nicely on to lifestyle...
Lifestyle- I don't live in Hawaii, New York, LA or even London. I live in a small town in the South-East of England that has a tiny health-food shop where I can buy a few organic beans and seeds. My closet juice bar was 20 minutes away and this has just shut down and has been turned into an ice cream palour!
A few weekends ago my boyfriend and I fancied eating out. We went to a local pub which is more of a restaurant than a pub. It had just 2 vegetarian options! I ate a cooked aubergine(eggplant) and tomato stack. I enjoyed it, didn't feel guilty, didn't overeat, felt fine for it and thoroughly enjoyed eating out with my man sat opposite me just like a normal couple! 9 months ago when I was 100% raw I was with a partner who loved eating out. Weeks went by and we didn't eat out because of my obsession with being 100% I now realise how much my decisions were impacting his life. I feel bad about this now :(
Last week it was my Dad's birthday. My Mum cooked a roast dinner for them both. It's just the three of us that live in the same house and the last time we ate together, just the three of us, was Christmas Day, the time before that, I have no idea. It may not have happened since I moved here back in June 08. I looked at the food my Mum was cooking and thought about how much I love my parents and how it was my Dad's birthday. I asked if I could join them (minus the meat) and my Mum's face lit up. We sat at our dining table, ate similar food, joked, laughed and talked about our individual days, like a proper family. It was precious. What usually happens? I make myself a bowl of salad, they eat together, and I take my salad to my office and eat in front of the laptop, or in my bedroom if I am rushing to go out somewhere.
This situation really has made me think. We didn't have to eat the same food, I could have eaten a salad with them and we could have joked and laughed still. But somehow, by eating the same food, we were brought closer together. They were smiling at me and my Mum loved that she cooked for me for the first time in what must be at least 6 months. You know how Mum's love to show their love through their food right?! ;)
I think what I'm trying to say is that I'm a normal girl, attempting to live a raw food lifestyle with some odds stacked against me. I know I'm not alone on this, I'm not asking for sympathy! ;) On the contrary, I hope this makes me appeal to you.
I've realised that in the past I have been too fanatical about being 100% raw. This has pushed people away and alienated me from those that were once so close to me. This is so sad it makes me want to cry. I can't change what's happened, but I would like to think that I've now got some perspective and found a great balance which fits me and my lifestyle like a glove. This is so important to me.
I have worked with so many clients that have felt they need to be 100% - the all or nothing approach. I really don't buy into this. If you do, then that's fine, it must work for you and I'm happy for you. But please don't preach this to everyone else because it really may not suit them. The all or nothing approach is, for me, too close to the old diet mentality that I once lived in. I wanted to find food freedom through raw food, but it wasn't until I relaxed about it that I found that freedom.
I'm not saying that I start the day with a green juice and end it with a Big Mac, nor would I encourage this behaviour in any of my clients. But if every now and then I eat a vegetarian meal out, or eat some cheese, or some organic oat biscuits, then I do so consciously, with choice and without regret.
I would also like to point out that I have felt much worse after a raw gourmet meal than a cooked vegetarian meal. 100% raw isn't always the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. Is a bowl of steamed organic brown rice worse for you than nuts, dried fruit, cacao or a complicated gourmet meal? I'll leave you to answer this question based on logic and experience...
So many clients I work with don't want to be 100% and when I tell them I'm not 100% I can almost hear the sigh of relief down the phone. I encourage them to find the regime that works for them. I ask them to make clear boundaries that will stop them from eating the food they want to eliminate from their lives, but also that won't hem them in too much. Do I need to be 100% to be a Raw Food Coach? Of course I don't. My clients love my approach, they are drawn to me for a reason. If you want to be 100% raw then I can still support you and coach you but you may feel your resonate more with another coach. This is both natural and understandable.
I really have finally found a happy relationship with food and raw food. I've never felt or looked better. I really hope that if you made it this far in reading my post that you have gained perspective from it. I hope you have either found your happy place with food or that you soon do. I find it helps to work out what suits you and fits into your life rather than looking at what other raw food people eat. Turn the focus back onto yourself and shine like the individual star that you are...
Hugs,
Jo x
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